the exchange that follows was part of a class exercise, and was what started erin and my subsequent exchanges.  again, the original poem first, rewrite second.

Poem #5 – Suzanne Olive

My soul longs to
escape the misty
window of my
mind.
Happiness dances but
mystifies the truth longing
to
break
free.
Gentle winds blow
cobwebs from my heart,
unlocking its secrets as
it
pounds unmercilessly.
Chirping new
birds herald the
arrival of my love,
our eyes lock
and seal our
always fate.

broken shell – cara

it was silent that night when i finally left
maneuvering through the window
i’d looked out of for years
the air like a breath of surprise
or joy jostled around me
but i had no secrets left to tell
it would have to wait
until the wrens began their song again
in front of a window
absent of me